Even a Pixelated Fernanda Lima was too Much for Iran State TV

As I mentioned in the previous post, the graphic images of Catherine Ashton being kissed and embraced by John Kerry and Laurent Fabius, after an agreement was reached in the Geneva talks, was just too much for the Islamic Republic's state TV. That crisis however was quickly resolved by some good pro-active readiness on behalf of the state TV's experts in "image pixelating and blurring" department.

But just when the state TV chiefs in the Islamic Republic, could breathe a sigh of relief after their successful blurring of Catherine Ashton's provocative images, they were hit by the tsunami of Fernanda Lima appearing in the Brazil 2014 World Cup draw ceremony.

State TV's Adel Ferdowsipour, was ready to host the program with three football guests on his show. The messages in his earpiece however kept telling him to delay the start of the program. There must have been a glimmer of hope that Fernanda was not going to be present for the entire show and may decide to walk away after a few minutes and abandon the show. Prayers were said in earnest "God, Almighty, please make Fernanda go away" but to no avail.

For a few seconds, an overview of the stage, with the lights off, was shown, just to get the ambiance of the moment, but how long can you show a dark stage on a TV program? The host joked, "wouldn't it be good to broadcast the entire show like this? it will be easier to report it".
He was told to apply more delay tactics by talking to the guests, while the experts at the pixelating and blurring provocative images department, tried experimenting with covering up Fernanda with all the cover up tools they had at their disposal.

Ferdowsipour struggled to find a suitable subject to talk about. After all, the show was about the world cup draw and viewers wanted to know which team was selected to be in which group?!

Finally it was decided that Fernanda was just too sexy and provocative, even if blurred or pixelated.
The live coverage of the draw was cancelled and it was back to the studio for good. Why show Fernanda at all, when the host and the guests could just talk about it?


 The thoughts of the faithful viewers squinting their eyes to de-pixelate Fernanda must have gone through the minds of the "moral guidance" officers and even further horrified them. The way things worked out however, they won't have to face the wrath of the Friday Prayer sermon leaders next week and can sleep well, at least until Brazil 2014 starts!

Islamic Republic State TV Special Report on the Birth of the Royal Baby

See Full Transcript below:

Transcript:

Nothing could have manifested English people's hatred of their monarchy as much as the birth of this baby

A birth that took place after 9 months of controversy during which the Queen of England tried her best to seen more and cover up her weaknesses

VT report:

[bells ringing]

The sound of church bells can be heard ringing again, bells that are indicative of a high costs the people of England have to pay.  England has one of the most reactionary and medieval forms of governments.

This time the bells are not ringing for the coronation or another royal wedding, but this time the bells carry the news of a new birth in the Royal family.

The royal family had placed a whole collection of media outlets and their cameras, from a month before,  outside the hospital where the royal bride was being looked after

What the media outlets had to do during the birth of this latest heir to the throne was to convince the public opinion of the people in England that monarchy is accepted by them. 

[the VT then shows Pooneh Ghoddoosi from BBC Persian outside the palace wearing a black dress]

But amongst all this when the presenter of the official English media was making a live report wearing a black dress outside the palace, the Queen's guards apparently gave her a scolding and forced her to change her dress [she is then seen wearing a formal white suit]

Finally on Tuesday, they unveiled the new heir to the throne, the baby is a boy and the announcement was placed on a luxury tripod in the palace yard.

[a VT of a parliamentary ceremony is then shown]

and the "red jackets" once again threw in a big party. Without a doubt, he is the most expensive baby in the history

[report shows some presenter as saying..the subtitle that the birth is boosting Britain's economy is ignored]

"..it is estimated the cost of this baby so far has been $375 Million"

The prodigality of this royal family has resulted in much protests across this country. People are fed up with the power and wealth concentrated in the hands of a few

[a protester is interviewed]

These expenses are paid out of the pockets of tax payers

This troublesome baby has already resulted in the death of a nurse. This nurse had been talking to reporters about the royal bride being pregnant and died a few days later, in mysterious circumstances

The British government claimed the nurse had committed suicide because she was so upset at disclosing the news of the pregnancy

[a passer by is interviewed who says all this luxury and lavishness for the birth of a baby is unacceptable]

[David Cameron is seen congratulating the couple outside Downing St.]

[A Ladbroke spokesperson is interviewed saying the government is constantly cutting back on health services but there is never a penny cut back on Royal family expenditures]

The Queen reigns as an absolute dictator in this country

She can annul the parliament and appoint the key positions

The Prime Minister is also chosen by a parliament whose members have been appointed by the Queen

This baby is the third in line to the throne

If Queen Elizabeth II, who has been reigning for 60 years, dies there are two other waiting in line